Has dating left you feeling frustrated, overwhelmed and less than fabulous? All of your relationships going nowhere? You may be in need of a dating detox.
Here are my seven dating detox tips to that will help you out of your dating rut and on the path to love:
Be honest about why you want a relationship:
The promise of love can feel like a welcome relief from loneliness, pain and self-doubt. But relationships aren’t a crutch… they don’t complete you, nor make you whole.
You are already whole. And you can only receive as much love as you are willing to give to yourself.
It’s important to be honest with yourself about why you want a relationship. If it’s to feel complete, you’re lonely, think no one will ever love you or really don’t love yourself it might be time to take some time out.
Rather than looking for love in an attempt to fix what feels broken perhaps the first step is to fall back in love with yourself.
Be positive and give yourself a dose of self-love:
Finding love starts with loving and accepting yourself. So, if you’re feeling less than fabulous it’s time to give yourself a much needed dose of self-love.
Rather than focusing on what you don’t like about yourself take this time to pamper and appreciate yourself. Re-connect with old friends, make new friends. Focus on things that make you feel good.
Focusing on the positive will help you to feel happier, more optimistic and more confident. As an added bonus it will make you look more confident, approachable and attractive too!
Be honest about who you are what you want from a relationship:
Ready to jump back in? Hold on tiger. Before you do, it’s good to get a bit of clarity. It can be tempting to portray a version of you that you think others want. But there’s no point pretending you’re someone you’re not. Or the life of the party or an adrenaline junkie if your idea of adventure is watching an action flick on the couch.
Be honest with yourself and others about who you are. What do you really want in life? In a relationship? What’s really important to you? What do you value? And what type of relationship you’re looking for? A long-term commitment or a casual fling? Don’t just assume that they’re after the same thing.
Research published in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships found that when it comes to hookups opposite attract. Whereas, people looking for a long-term relationship tend to seek those with similar interests and values. So, choose accordingly and be mindful of the message you’re sending out.
Be more selective:
Many people set themselves up for failure and rejection when they’re dating by emotionally investing in people who are unlikely to return their interest. Focussing their energy and attention on someone who looks ahhhhhmaaaaazing rather than that someone who’s more compatible.
But are looks really that important? Research shows that sharing mutual interests and values helps to reduce first date jitters and those awkward silences, increases attraction, satisfaction and the odds you’ll stay together. So if you’re dating online choose a site that allows you to refine your search and filters based on interests (rather than their profile pic).
Spring clean your dating profiles:
Being signed up to every dating site on the net might seem like a good idea. However, the scattergun approach can get in the way of finding love.
There is such a thing as too much choice. Particularly if it skews your selection process. Amassing a list of gorgeous matches can be a massive ego boost at first. But managing multiple inboxes and a string of dates who have nothing in common with you can leave you feeling frustrated, overwhelmed and your self esteem in tatters.
Love isn’t a race and if a relationship is what you’re after it’s more important to take your time to find the right person for you. If you’re dating online, remember that not all dating sites are equal. So, stick to one dating site that matches you on compatibility and mutual interests and helps you to take your relationship offline. And most importantly always use the same selection criteria online as you would face-to-face.
Manage your sexpectations and be realistic:
When it comes to connecting with people and dating try to go in with an open mind, be realistic and avoid being too quick to write other people off. It’s all too easy to fantasise about the type of person you think (or hope) your date will be like and the kind of relationship you’ll have only to be bitterly disappointed if the real life version doesn’t quite stack up.
To avoid disappointment avoid choosing a date based solely on their looks. Instead, look for someone who has things in common with you and of course, be realistic about your expectations.
And remember, meeting new people isn’t just about finding love. It’s about connection, conversations, new friends… and of course, maybe more.
Get out there and don’t let the fear of rejection scare you:
No matter who you are, rejection can hurt. In fact a study at the University of Michigan have found that social rejection stimulates the same neural pathways activated during actual physical pain.
The good news is that how much that rejection affects you depends on your expectations, emotional investment and experience. The more you build your expectations and fantasize about the kind of person he or she is (or the relationship you might have) the more it’s likely to hurt.
Rejection is simply someone choosing what’s right for them. It doesn’t mean that you’re any less attractive, intelligent or desirable. Simply that you weren’t what they were looking for.
The more you practice connecting and dating, (and yes, that means the more you get rejected) the easier it becomes. he easier (and more fun) it will be to connect with those that you’re attracted to and the more amazing friends you’ll make along the way.
Katia Loisel is an internationally recognised dating, relationship and body language expert with over 19 years experience in the TV Industry. She is the co-author of the bestselling How To Get The Man/Woman You Want and has conducted a widely published five-year global study into dating and mating patterns.
A sought after media commentator, spokesperson and host, Katia has been interviewed over 1,000 times by media outlets worldwide. Her production credits include programme creation, development and production of various dating and relationship related TV shows for the Australian and US market and a global online ‘how to’ campaign for the dating and relationship market that generated over 12 million views.
Katia is the Founder of The Love Destination, and is on a mission to empower and inspire, bringing more love and good news into the world.