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They say that distance makes the heart grow fonder, but being in a long distance relationship isn’t always easy. Relationship Therapist Jacqui Christie author of Rewire Your Relationship reveals how to deal with the confusion and doubt that might crop up. 

Ask an Expert Question: Can my Relationship Survive a Long Distance Relationship?

Hello!

My name is James, and I am currently in a long distance relationship. I met this amazing girl last summer at a german language scholarship, who I just instantly connected with on a deeper level. We started dating down there, until we had to go back to our own countries. I went back to Norway and she went back to India. We decided to try and make it work, and so far we’re good.

After five months, I travelled to her last December and stayed with her for a full month. However now I start feeling really bad, and I constantly miss her. I am also afraid she is losing interest in me because of the distance, even though we’re talking almost everyday.

She is coming here to Norway in six weeks, but I really wonder if there are any tips you can give me on how to survive a long distance relationship and how to keep her interested in me. I also feel like she is starting to like a other guy.

She kept telling me about how she and one of her male friends went for an ice cream, and she told him about her depression and problems. While I talked to her, she started telling me all about how nice he was and how he was being so supportive to her. It’s worth knowing that this guy is is her ex.

Should I be worried?

Sincerely,

James

Ask An Expert – Response:

Hi James,

Seems things are tough for you the moment. It’s not surprising your feeling this way though as a long distance relationship can sometimes seem harder. This is often because we can’t hold or touch the person we love as often as we would like. But we can message voicemail facetime now so ensure you use some of these technologies.

You mention in your email that when you met your girlfriend you immediately connected to her on a deeper level. Remember a relationship is a two-way thing so that means that she was equally drawn to you as well which is clear because you have both continued your relationship for six months now. Remind yourself what it was that drew you both to each other. A good tip can be to write down all of the things that you love about her as well as all of the things that you both love to do. The writing it down will help to stop your thoughts going around like a washing machine in your head and will help to remind you of what brought the both of you together.

If your girlfriend is talking to someone about her depression that’s good news as it’s important she is able to talk through her feelings because she needs that support. When she says he was nice and being supportive of her I wonder if she is trying to tell you something. Perhaps she wishes it was you that helped her feel supported and less depressed. Even if you already feel like you support her it’s important that you continue to ask her how she’s feeling and how you wish you could be with her to hold her and help her feel better.

It’s also very important for you, that instead of worrying about who your girlfriend is talking to, that you focus your time and attention on the fact that it is you she is in a relationship with and it is you that is her boyfriend. Your mind will keep replaying whatever you have recently thought about so be aware of the thoughts you are replaying and ensure they are the thoughts you want to have.

Overall I would suggest “Focus on what you have and on what you want in your life”. Write some of these things down to remind you especially when you are feeling a little worried.

Your girlfriend is coming over to see you very soon how exciting for you and her. Wishing you and her a wonderful time together..

Regards,

Jacqui Christie 
Rewire your Relationship

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