They say that distance makes the heart grow fonder, but being in a long distance relationship isn’t always easy. Relationship Therapist Jacqui Christie author of Rewire Your Relationship reveals how to deal with the confusion and doubt that might crop up.
Ask an Expert Question: Can my Relationship Survive a Long Distance Relationship?
My name is James, and I am currently in a long distance relationship. I met this amazing girl last summer at a german language scholarship, who I just instantly connected with on a deeper level. We started dating down there, until we had to go back to our own countries. I went back to Norway and she went back to India. We decided to try and make it work, and so far we’re good.
After five months, I travelled to her last December and stayed with her for a full month. However now I start feeling really bad, and I constantly miss her. I am also afraid she is losing interest in me because of the distance, even though we’re talking almost everyday.
She is coming here to Norway in six weeks, but I really wonder if there are any tips you can give me on how to survive a long distance relationship and how to keep her interested in me. I also feel like she is starting to like a other guy.
She kept telling me about how she and one of her male friends went for an ice cream, and she told him about her depression and problems. While I talked to her, she started telling me all about how nice he was and how he was being so supportive to her. It’s worth knowing that this guy is is her ex.
Should I be worried?
Ask An Expert – Response:
Seems things are tough for you the moment. It’s not surprising your feeling this way though as a long distance relationship can sometimes seem harder. This is often because we can’t hold or touch the person we love as often as we would like. But we can message voicemail facetime now so ensure you use some of these technologies.
You mention in your email that when you met your girlfriend you immediately connected to her on a deeper level. Remember a relationship is a two-way thing so that means that she was equally drawn to you as well which is clear because you have both continued your relationship for six months now. Remind yourself what it was that drew you both to each other.
A good tip can be to write down all of the things that you love about her as well as all of the things that you both love to do. The writing it down will help to stop your thoughts going around like a washing machine in your head and will help to remind you of what brought the both of you together.
If your girlfriend is talking to someone about her depression that’s good news as it’s important she is able to talk through her feelings because she needs that support. When she says he was nice and being supportive of her I wonder if she is trying to tell you something. Perhaps she wishes it was you that helped her feel supported and less depressed. Even if you already feel like you support her it’s important that you continue to ask her how she’s feeling and how you wish you could be with her to hold her and help her feel better.
It’s also very important for you, that instead of worrying about who your girlfriend is talking to, that you focus your time and attention on the fact that it is you she is in a relationship with and it is you that is her boyfriend. Your mind will keep replaying whatever you have recently thought about so be aware of the thoughts you are replaying and ensure they are the thoughts you want to have.
Overall I would suggest “Focus on what you have and on what you want in your life”. Write some of these things down to remind you especially when you are feeling a little worried.
Your girlfriend is coming over to see you very soon how exciting for you and her. Wishing you and her a wonderful time together..
Rewire your Relationship
Jacqui Christie is a registered Clinical and Counselling Psychologist with a Masters in Psychology who blends insight and intuition with evidence based scientific research to strengthen and enhance individual’s lives. Jacqui has broad experience in treating adults with a variety of conditions from everyday concerns through to disorders.
Jacqui began her psychological career over 20 years ago in the field of Family Violence where she began working with men who were violent, abusive and controlling towards their partners. In addition, Jacqui began to work with and treat women who were currently or had been living in an abusive relationship.Jacqui has worked with men individually and in groups specifically facilitating Behaviour Change Groups for many years.
She has developed and implemented a number of other programs including anger management, behaviour change, parenting, stress management, mindfulness and depression.She is a relationship therapist and trained in clinical hypnosis which is used in a therapeutic way with clients as an adjunct to therapy.
Jacqui has recently trained in the US in the Psychobiological Approach to Couples Therapy (PACT) method which is focused on adult attachment styles and how these impact on intimate relationships.Jacqui is a mentor and has mentored CEO’s managers and other professionals as well as provided clinical supervision for psychologists and counsellors.
She has been highly regarded for her easily approachable and non judgmental style and ability to see beyond the masks. Jacqui has written articles for Women’s Health, Cleo and Girlfriend magazine on relationships and family violence. She is also a speaker on the topic of relationships. Jacqui has worked as a consultant and in corporate settings and is currently in private practice where she is also the Director of a wholistic health centre. She is also the author of Rewire Your Relationships and an expert at The Love Destination.
About Jacqui’s Book Rewire Your Relationship
Do you feel like you are going around and around the merry go round in your relationship? Do you both keep arguing about the same old same old things without any resolution stuck in a pattern of Groundhog Day.
Everyone is biologically and chemically hard-wired for connection and whilst your partner frustrating behaviours, the ones that you have been trying to change for many years now, may feel like they are designed just to push your buttons they are fact entirely unintentional, part of his or her make-up or what Jacqui Christie terms, the hard-wiring.
So if that’s just the way we are and at times it feels like we are just not right together, how do we “Rewire Our Relationship”? Understanding who and why we and others are, is the critical step to building relationships that flourish.With a deeper understanding of your own and your partners complex attachment styles you have the perfect platform to deepen your relationship because for perhaps the first time, we can equip you with the right tools and communication style for your unique partnership.
In this book you will discover Rewire Your Relationship has so many practical relationship tips, tricks and techniques to bring you closer together, revitalise your relationship and create that deep connection you have been craving.