The biggest myth about grief is that support is a one size fits all. Often people think there’s a ‘normal’ way to process the pain of loss of a loved one. After all we’ve all heard about the 7 Stages of Grief, we should just tick of each stage until we reach the end and we’ll be right! If only it was this easy, grief is complex and should be treated as such.
As a grief expert who counsels people on coping and rediscovering life, happiness and yes even joy again after loss, the most common question I’m asked is “Am I grieving normally?” In my many years of conversations with the bereaved it’s vital that people understand that grief is entirely individual and influenced by many factors.
One size doesn’t fit all.
There are many what I call Urban Myths about grief in society.
Urban Myths about grief such as:
- Give it time, you’ll be right
- Be strong
- You must be happy they’re out of pain
- Keep yourself busy
- It gets easier
There is no set time frame for grief, there are just too many factors that impact your reaction to loss. Factors such as your relationship to the person lost, your beliefs about death, your normal emotional reaction to sadness and many more factors all determine the response to grief.
Some factors that determine your response to grief:
- Your relationship with the person you’ve lost
- Your religious beliefs
- Your emotional reaction to change
- Your normal response to sadness
- The support around you
- How you are seen within family and society e.g. are you the strong one, the emotional one
Due to these many different factors and people’s unique experiences in life, a trained professional is my advice and something I highly recommended to support you. Together you can both determine the best way to support you, and you alone.
Stop Comparing Your Grief to That of Others
I advise that you stop comparing yourself to others you’ve seen grieve. If you compare yourself to, for instance, your neighbour’s response to her husband’s death and wonder why she seemed better after a few weeks and you still feel so sad after months, you’ll feel the overwhelm rise up even higher and higher in your chest. Comparing yourself to others leads you to wondering why you’re still distraught and can’t move forward and often asking yourself if there something wrong with you.
Comparing grief only compounds the problem and can make things worse. As if you don’t have enough to worry about! It creates added pressure and confusion to the already exhausting grieving process. People are all so different and there are so many variations in their personalities and experiences.
When life throws a curveball, Joy Fairhall is the person you want in your corner.
As the founder of Mind Body Joy, she brings personal insight and professional expertise to help find the positive perspective to overcome and manage a life-changing event.
Qualified in Positive Psychology and Wellbeing, and many other qualifications and certifications, to become a truly Holistic practitioner. Joy focuses on the link between mind and body, enabling people to function well, physically and emotionally.
She has a specialist interest in people dealing with fear and overwhelm in general or as the result of a life-changing event. And her insight comes from a uniquely personal place.
“I began my journey to learn more about the mind and body and joy over 20 years ago when my husband passed away quite suddenly when I was 37 and my children were 12 and 14,” Joy explains.
“That moment changed our lives forever. Since that time, I have studied and qualified in many areas of health and wellness modalities with all focusing on what is right in your life rather than what’s not all in line with positive psychology principles.
“I’ve learnt how to have balance, joy and happiness each and every day, and I have seen so many lives changed with the simple, easy and effective tools and techniques I provide.”
Joy works with people to create a better awareness about their unique mind-body link in the knowledge an individual’s strengths, even during the most challenging times of life, will support them to live the life they desire and deserve.
“The connection between your mind (thoughts), body (feelings) and joy (happiness) determines not only your emotions, it also affects your personal and business life,” Joy says. I specialize in helping people through life-changing transition – and grief and chronic illness are major ones.
Joy’s expertise extends from setting and achieving goals in business to dealing with devastating news and illness. She encourages people to focus on their strengths and values, making every goal more achievable and sustainable.
As a warm, committed and nurturing professional with proven results, her clients range from business owners to individuals struggling to take the next step in life.
“Many people I assist are going through a life-changing event that makes them stop in their tracks and leaves their emotions in turmoil. They feel caught up in a vortex of emotions and can see no way out.
“I gently support and guide in a constructive manner, as someone who will focus on the positive emotion, their strengths and their values, and support them in a way that will achieve their results.
“This positive focus on mind body and joy enables people to set goals differently, making them so much easier to achieve.”
As a sought-after speaker Joy brings her vast range of skills, expertise and her own personal life experiences to connect, support and guide with every audience enabling them to understand their unique Mind and Body and Joy link. Her connection to the audience, no matter the size, feels intimate and nurturing, she will make them laugh, connect to themselves and create ah ha moments in a way that is truly unique.
Joy provides specific retreats for those dealing with grief and chronic illness diagnosis specializing in nurturing and providing support to assist people through a time in their lives when everything they ever knew has been thrown into turmoil.
More information about Joy Fairhall, speaking topics and the services she offers is available through Mind Body Joy at www.mindbodyjoy.com.au