It’s perfectly normal to be nervous before that delicious first kiss. It means that you’re excited, and that’s a good thing. And just remember, chances are they’re just as nervous as you are.
Here are my top tips to help reduce your first kiss nerves:
1. Focus on the Positive
My first tip is to focus on the positive. Just because they haven’t kissed you yet, doesn’t mean that they don’t want to. So instead of worrying about that first kiss, focus on creating an amazing connection.
2. Reframe Your Nerves as Excitement
My second tip is to reframe your nerves as excitement. Now the truth is that while these negative arousal emotions may feel very different and affect our lives in significantly different ways, from a physiological point they’re very similar with studies showing that we can easily reframe nerves or anxiety as excitement.
To reframe first kiss nerves into nervousness into excitement simply use positive self-talk to talk yourself into being excited. Try saying things like “I’m excited,” remind yourself that this is exciting and focus on the opportunity or what you might gain rather than what you have to lose.
The next step is to remind yourself that this is actually an exciting time and lastly rather than focussing on what could go wrong, focus on what could go right.
Learning to reframe anxiety or your nerves as excitement is a life changing skill, that will not only affect how you feel, but also how you think and how you come across. Helping you to look and feel more enthusiastic, optimistic, kissable, and open and ready for whatever or whoever comes next.
3. Do a Mental Checklist of Your Body Language and Adopt the Power Pose
My third tip is to give yourself a confidence boost by changing your body language and adopting the power pose. Our emotions and body language, facial expressions and breathing are directly linked. While how we feel changes our breathing, facial expressions and body language, changes to our body language can also affect how we feel.
You can quite literally change how you feel, just by changing your body language.
Do a mental checklist of your body language. Uncross your arms and legs, relax your hands and feet, put your feet firmly on the floor, stand tall, lift your chin slightly, make eye contact and smile. You’ll instantly look and feel more confident, attractive and kissable.
4. Relax and Lower Your Expectations
My next tip to reduce those first kiss nerves is to relax and lower your expectations. A good kiss stimulates the parasympathetic system, lowers the stress hormone cortisol levels, and helps us to relax. But, if your expectations are too high or you’re so nervous that you can barely say your own name, a kiss can have the opposite effect.
5. Take the Time To Connect and Have Fun
That first kiss can be nerve wracking, but taking the time to breathe, connect, touch gently and have fun will help you to connect and reduce those first kiss nerves.
6. Set the Mood
To help you relax, set the mood. Researches at Lafayette college found that where you kiss can have a powerful effect not only on how connected you feel and how comfortable you feel, but also on how you rate the kiss.
While kissing in a sterile environment actually decreased how comfortable and connected people felt, setting the mood released the cuddle hormone oxytocin. Increasing intimacy and levels of bonding and helping women feel more connected.
7. Kiss Sober
Now while having a little drink can lower your inhibitions, drinking or taking drugs releases the same chemical cocktail as kissing and can make the kiss better (or much worse) depending on how you’re feeling and the effect that alcohol has on you.
Whilst a glass of bubbles can lower your inhibitions, if you want to get an accurate impression of whether you’re suited, keep your wits about you and stay sober.
8. For an Extra Confidence Boost Keep Your Breath Kissably Fresh
Last but definitely not least making sure that your breath is kissably fresh will help you to feel super confident and kissable when going in for that very kiss.
Katia Loisel is an internationally recognised dating, relationship and body language expert with over 19 years experience in the TV Industry. She is the co-author of the bestselling How To Get The Man/Woman You Want and has conducted a widely published five-year global study into dating and mating patterns.
A sought after media commentator, spokesperson and host, Katia has been interviewed over 1,000 times by media outlets worldwide. Her production credits include programme creation, development and production of various dating and relationship related TV shows for the Australian and US market and a global online ‘how to’ campaign for the dating and relationship market that generated over 12 million views.
Katia is the Founder of The Love Destination, and is on a mission to empower and inspire, bringing more love and good news into the world.